I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
