i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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