I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
