I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
