Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
