It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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