She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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