My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
