I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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