glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I love having hate sex.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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