He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
