He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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