Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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