it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Are we still banned from the library?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
