The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
