College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
