You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
