Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
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Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
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An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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