this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
