Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I am available for nakedness
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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