He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
