naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
