Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
