A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
