Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
These tits shall not be calmed
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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