the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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