I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
