either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
