420 ftw
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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