she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
