I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
