roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
