At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We left an ass print on the piano.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
