You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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