Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
