my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
