Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
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