She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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