If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
