'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
