he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
