She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
