I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
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Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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