You work out of a Hotel?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He has the fingertips of a God
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
