the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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