True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
