There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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