we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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