I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
