i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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