She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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