Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
