So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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