Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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