It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
