mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
