found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
