he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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