I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
