Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
