just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Someone shattered a urinal.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i black out too much to be "responsible"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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