just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
