Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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