Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
