i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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