Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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