you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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