In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
